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13 June 2009 @ 11:11 am
Who needs a laugh?  
So a friend of mine passed me this link and seriously, you NEED to see this awesomeness.

Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt

But wait, the awesome is not in the shirt itself (though that defies all words), it is in the reviews. Like this gem:

This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.

Read all 1055 customer reviews. And no cut cause this is TOO badass for a cut.
Current Mood: gigglygiggly
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Kelly: Buffy: Ozxlivvielockex on June 17th, 2009 06:41 pm (UTC)
It's TOTALLY the shirt. You just didn't know about it's power before. Now, now you can bow to the awesome to have it in your very presence!

(I almost typed all of that without laughing. ALMOST!)
Emily: PB&J - fun run - holding handsbja727 on June 13th, 2009 08:29 pm (UTC)
haha, that story is just too funny! I can just imagine you riding on that scooter in Wal Mart... now that would be a Kodak moment :)
Kelly: Buffy: Monkeyxlivvielockex on June 17th, 2009 06:42 pm (UTC)
Some of the other reviews are just as hilarious. I could spend all day reading those reviews and just cracking up.
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Kelly: Cat BFFxlivvielockex on June 17th, 2009 06:43 pm (UTC)
Sweet as in those are some sweet bowstaff skills or sweet as in your are giving me a cavity? LOL
Kerri: evil!samkaczurda on June 14th, 2009 01:58 am (UTC)
LOL! Gah I'm addicted to reading these reviews! They are hilarious! XD

"I ordered next-day air (if only there was same day!), and, of course, a size smaller than usual to ensure the closeness of the wolves to my chest hair." (from another review) LMAO!

What is the 3 wolf moon anyway? Is it just a random shirt that some company decided to sell or is there some secret organization that you belong to if you wear the shirt?
Kelly: Buffy: Scythexlivvielockex on June 17th, 2009 06:44 pm (UTC)
Totally a secret organization. When you order the shirt, your instructions for joining are mailed with it. But careful, the instructions are so awesome, they are printed on another three wolf moon shirt! Don't get confused and wear your instructions out, then they have to kill you.
lauratdlauratd on June 14th, 2009 03:17 am (UTC)
Boy Howdee that there is one fine shirt.

I love the customer images too.

Kelly: ATS: Wes RAWR!xlivvielockex on June 17th, 2009 06:46 pm (UTC)
Admit it, you want one. Imagine the votes you could get if you wore it. You'd be unstoppable! Get this shirt for all the No H8 people!
one of the shiny, happy people: BtVS: C/Aaygul on June 14th, 2009 07:45 am (UTC)
Hahahaha, oh, wow, I can't stop reading these.
Kelly: C/A Halloweenxlivvielockex on June 17th, 2009 06:46 pm (UTC)
I spent like the whole damn morning reading them and I didn't even make a dent. I think I pulled something from laughing so hard.
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Kelly: C/A Happyxlivvielockex on June 17th, 2009 06:47 pm (UTC)
Love the kitty icon. :)

And seriously so funny and people have way too much time (and money) on their hands.
Sarah: A2A:  Alex/Geneboy_named_susie on June 15th, 2009 12:48 am (UTC)
This reminds me of the Tuscan whole milk reviews on amazon. I spent about an hour reading these one day and laughing my ass off. As an example:

"He always brought home milk on Friday.

After a long hard week full of days he would burst through the door, his fatigue hidden behind a smile. There was an icy jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz in his right hand. With his left hand he would grip my waist - I was always cooking dinner - and press the cold frostiness of the jug against my arm as he kissed my cheek. I would jump, mostly to gratify him after a time, and smile lovingly at him. He was a good man, a wonderful husband who always brought the milk on Friday, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.

Then there was that Friday, the terrible Friday that would ruin every Friday for the rest of my life. The door opened, but there was no bouyant greeting - no cold jug against the back of my arm. There was no Tuscan Whole Milk in his right hand, nor his left. There came no kiss. I watched as he sat down in a kitchen chair to remove his shoes. He wore no fatigue, but also no smile. I didn't speak, but turned back to the beans I had been stirring. I stirred until most of their little shrivelled skins floated to the surface of the cloudy water. Something was wrong, but it was vague wrongness that no amount of hard thought could give shape to.

Over dinner that night I casually inserted,"What happened to the milk?"
"Oh,"he smiled sheepishly, glancing aside,"I guess I forgot today."

That was when I knew. He was tired of this life with me, tired of bringing home the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz. He was probably shoveling funds into a secret bank account, looking at apartments in town, casting furtive glances at cashiers and secretaries and waitresses. That's when I knew it was over. Some time later he moved in with a cashier from the Food Mart down the street. And me? Well, I've gone soy."
Kelly: AD: Slutxlivvielockex on June 17th, 2009 06:48 pm (UTC)

Sometimes you really just have to love the internet. It brings out the hilarious and creative people for sure. (The whackjobs too but take the good with the bad, right?)
ubiquirkubiquirk on June 15th, 2009 10:21 pm (UTC)
O M G ! ! !

Effing unbelievable - once it got to 'needs more wolves,' I was just bwah!
Kelly: Buffy: Welcome to SDxlivvielockex on June 17th, 2009 06:48 pm (UTC)
Honestly, you could spend hours reading all those reviews because they are so funny. When you get to the side by sides, wear a diaper cause you will pee from laughing, I swear.