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13 June 2006 @ 09:07 pm
Memos by Kelly  
Title: Memos
Author: Kelly (solo this time!)
Posted: 3/17/06
Rating: PG-15 (I said NIPPLES!)
Email: jjsoapchat AT yahoo DOT com
Content: Comedy
Summary: Written for a challenge. We were given a love letter that was written by Angel and we had to write what came next, who it was to, why it was written, etc.
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: Open to the public.
Notes: Post-Smile Time. Totally AU. I don’t usually write Wes so excuse me if it sucks. LOL
Feedback: Always! Encourages me to write more.
Dedication: To Mike, my harasser, the only guy online to make me smile. Because if he hadn’t told me to put up and shut up, this wouldn’t be posted. (I didn’t want to compete against him!)

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Lorne poked his head into Wes’ office at Wolfram and Hart, a piece of white paper waving in his hand. “Hey, sugarplum...did you get the latest Angel memo here?” Lorne stepped more fully into Wes’ office now and made his way over to the desk. He glanced down at the paper. “I can’t make heads or tails of this. ‘I want to hold your body close to mine and never let you go’. I like the big guy as much as the next but I don’t do this sort of stuff without dinner first.” Lorne paused in front of Wesley’s desk, looking at the other man.

Wesley reached for this latest memo to the employees of Wolfram and Hart to look over it. A bit of a darkness settled over his brow. “I fear Angel has finally lost his mind. Instead of passing out legitimate memos, he writes the staff love notes as if they were Cordelia.” Wes set the memo down on his desk to look up at Lorne. “Between her death, the puppet thing, and Spike, his fragile sanity has finally started to crack.”

The conversation between the two men was interrupted as Gunn burst into the office. “You two see memo Angel just put out to the legal department?” Gunn looked down at the salmon colored paper in his hands. “I don’t know what ‘caressing your creamy white skin’ and ‘dusky nipples’ has to do with the Sanderson case.” He tossed the memo onto Wes’ desk.

Wesley stood up from his desk, reaching for his coat. “I am afraid that we have no choice. Last week was bad enough. In lieu of meeting with the Phantok demons, Angel sent them a love poem regaling their ‘bountiful bosoms’. It wouldn’t have been so bad if he hadn’t called their leader ‘sugartits’ in the missive.”

Lorne watched as Wes put on his coat. Usually the coat on could only mean bad things. “Wesley, cookie dough, what exactly are you planning to do? Granted, Angel’s shell has a lot of cracks but we are better than all the king’s horses and men. I think we can repair our undead Humpty Dumpty.”

Gunn just raised a brow and loosened his tie. “I am down for whatever, English. Cause if I have to get one more note from him detailing my ‘luscious chocolate locks’ or how he wants to ‘lay me down by the fire’, I am going to bust his head myself.”

Wesley moved around the edge of his desk, checking the stakes strapped to his wrist, now hidden by the coat he pulled on. He was silent. He knew what he was going to have to do and it wasn’t going to be pretty. He stepped away from the two and crossed the small distance between his desk and his office door. Gunn was only a few steps behind, cracking his knuckles. It was only moments after that Lorne trailed them as the warriors made their way towards Angel’s office.

“Wes...Gunn...dumplings...Is it really wise to be going up there to disturb our love letter lothario? This is Angel we are talking about.” Lorne pleaded with them as Wesley opened the door to Angel’s office. It was only a few steps before he was at the private elevator. “Really you two...what are you going to do?”

Wes looked over at the demon, his face was the picture of hardened resolve. His eyes were dark and deep as they clearly focused on the mission at hand. “We are going to...take away his thesaurus.”
 
 
 
Sarahboy_named_susie on March 25th, 2007 09:18 pm (UTC)
"Dusky nippes" Laughing my ass off over here! OMG this is too damn funny. You should write Lorne more often. You have got him down to a T. Actually, they were all three very much in character. I love the idea of Angel cracking up after Cordy's death (because he damn well should have!). And the last line was priceless. You are queen of the crackfic!
Kelly: RAWR! Wesleyxlivvielockex on March 26th, 2007 12:26 am (UTC)
I will be totally honest, the only way I could write for this particular challenge was to write a crack!fic. The person who wrote the original love letter that the challenge was based on...Angel was so out of character, he was Angel in name only. It was just poorly written, poorly put together challenge.

I sort of wrote this as "you have GOT to be kidding me" piece because I just couldn't believe this particular place was issuing a challenge off something that was SO not even remotely in Angel's character or his voice.

But I do love me some Lorne. I haven't written him for a while. I know I have a few post-NFA pieces with him after he shot Lindsey around here. Will clean them up and post them, just for you.
Sarahboy_named_susie on March 26th, 2007 01:11 am (UTC)
Aww, you are too good to me. I guess that's why I love you. *Smooch*